In the first part of this series, we looked at the changes (diagnosed) ADHD can make to your sexuality. Now we’d like to look at ways to tackle those problems. Obviously, the first step is to get medication or other treatments for your ADHD. Then, it’s a good idea to sit with your doctor and explore the potential and actual side effects of your meds. Review regularly and observe your sexual behaviour and response. You’re essentially trouble-shooting yourself.
Your goal is to assess your ability to last longer in bed, confirm how much of it is related to your ADHD, and work with your doctor to find solutions. They might need to change medication or prescribe something to counter your sexual side effects. This covers the physiological/medical of your sexual challenges. But ADHD doesn’t just influence you at the therapeutic level, so there are other elements to attack. For example, an inability to stay present during sex.
A sex therapist might be more helpful here than a medical doctor, so you and your partner may consider seeing one for (sexual) couples’ counselling. Yoga, meditation, and breathing exercises can all help you stay in the moment. This will help you stay focused longer, and train you to gently call your attention back when it starts to stray. Sometimes though, the trouble is with excessive attention, because ADHD patients can be super sensitive.
More than feelings
At the sensory level, some ADHD diagnoses come with an enhanced response to stimuli. Ordinary sights, sounds, and scents can annoy, irritate, overwhelm, or even repulse the patient. So the natural components of sex could end up putting them off altogether. Consider dimming the lights, softening the mood music, and opting for milder flavours in your sex accessories.
Experiment with unscented lube/massage oil, or try showering together to avoid using strong ‘sexy scents’ for pre-game prep. Women with ADHD might be unable to orgasm because their minds keep straying from what their body is experiencing. Men with ADHD might lose focus on their partner’s sensual responses and end up making the wrong move at the wrong time.
Stay with your partner
Mindfulness can alleviate both these challenges. Talk about your sex life, offering ideas for new positions, techniques, or locations that can get you more present and relaxed. Find innovations you’re both comfortable with, keeping everything safe and sexy. Set aside time for sex, and during your sex date, commit to being completely focused on your partner. Keep communication lines open, both with your partner and your (sex) therapist. You might find the changes in sexuality aren’t all a result of the bedroom (in)activity.
For instance, you may assume sex is no longer enjoyable because the affected partner isn’t in the moment. But it could be something else entirely. Say in a fit of ADHD, your partner made an impulse buy you disapprove of. Or forgot a significant date in your relationship. That could affect your intimate as well, so resolve matters as soon as they arise, before their mind jumps to something else. Festering never helped anyone or anything, especially in matters of sexuality.
For more information on the effects of ADHD on sexuality, call AMI today on 1800 10 10 90 and book a consult.