Stereotypically, men are thought to be more competitive than women. Based on this assumption, a man is more likely to evaluate his sex life based on how often he has intercourse with his partner. On the other hand, his partner may base her satisfaction levels on how connected she feels to him, or how often she achieves orgasm.
The disparity becomes evident when a man is happy with his sex life because he enjoys intercourse three or more times a week. But when his partner is asked about their sex life, she seems unhappy, and he doesn’t understand why. For a couple to be happy with their sex life, they should both have their needs met. This means a woman could make an active effort to increase the frequency of sex, while a man can consciously improve her satisfaction levels every time they have intercourse. Many men think the only answer is to last longer in bed, but there are other factors.
For women, most sex happens outside the bedroom. Her triggers are largely intellectual and emotional, so if you want the sex to be better, extend the intimacy. Non-sexual touches are a good way to get her in the mood, so try cuddling, holding her hands, or affectionately touching her hair, face, or any part of her body without necessarily initiating sex.
These tender caresses make her feel valued, appreciated, and attractive. It shows that you’re thinking of her outside a sexual context, and this warms her up towards you so that when you do get to the bedroom, she’ll be more responsive to your sexual advances. Non-sexual compliments go a long way too.
Another helpful factor is talking about sex. Your discussions shouldn’t always be sexual. Finding out what you like and don’t like is important, but it’s not the whole story. Tell each other what you might not be enjoying, or if there are non-bedroom factors affecting your libido or causing premature ejaculation? Is there trouble at work, or distress over a family member?
If you talk about these things openly, and preferably outside the bedroom, then you become relaxed. You can hash out any pressures or stresses long before bedtime. That way, when you do get to bed, there’s only one thing on your mind.
Another important point for men is to keep the numbers to yourself. If you have been keeping a scorecard, mentioning it might put undue pressure on your partner, and the pressure might cut down her libido. Women can experience performance pressure too, even though theirs usually manifests differently than men.