Everyone has heard of mindfulness, and we generally see it as a tool for coping with everyday stressors, such as work, interpersonal dynamics and other pressures. But few people apply it to their sex lives.
Mindfulness can turn mediocre sex into mind-blowing sex, and it can,in some cases, help improve problems of either premature ejaculation or lack of libido. Research shows that mindfulness can increase sexual desire.
In cases of sexual dysfunction, practising presence can also mean you get more enjoyment from sexual intimacy purely by being ‘in the moment’, regardless of whether you reach climax or not.
So instead of worrying about how to last longer in bed, you can relax and enjoy where you are, tuning into closeness and physical sensations.
Premature ejaculation becomes less of an issue as you and your partner can still enjoy the physical and mental sensations of intimacy both before and after climax.
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
Mindfulness is something a lot of people pay lip service to, but it’s a skill that needs to be worked at by disciplining the mind and following up with lots of practice by applying it to all areas of your life.
Mindfulness doesn’t have to be something you use when you feel stressed and out of balance; it’s great for when you’re having fun, helping you to truly enjoy the experience, and of course, this translates very well to bedroom activities too.
THE FIVE SENSES
The five senses exercise is a common practice to help you work on mindfulness.
At any moment in the day, stop for a few seconds and focus on each of your sensesby asking yourself:
• What do I see right now?
• What can I taste right now?
• What sounds am I noticing right now?
• What sensation is on my skin right now?
• What can I smell right now?
Practice this every day whenever you can. Then try to bring this same practice into your sex life.
Meditation is a great daily practice to adopt if you want to enhance your mindful skills even further. Even five minutes of quietly sitting counts as meditation and can have advantages.
Here are some tips if you are new to meditation:
• Don’t expect your mind to go blank and don’t fight your thoughts; even the Dalai Lama will experience the ‘monkey mind’ occasionally.
• Find something to focus on. This can be on your breathing or relaxing meditation music, or you can sit with eyes open focusing on the flame of a burning candle.
• Try to view your thoughts as if you were an observer.
• Thoughts will come and go. When you notice your mind running on (starting to plan the day, ruminating over yesterday etc.), gently try and bring yourself back to the present.